How sweet is your love... How much better it is than mere wine.
- Song of Solomon 4:10 -
One of the great dangers in dating is the tendency to adopt a consumer mentality rather than a companion mentality.
When you ask people what kind of person they would like to date, they begin to list a set of characteristics; Tall, but not too tall. Sensitive, but strong. Confident, but also caring. Handsome/Beautiful, but funny. And a good job with solid income.
The problem with starting with a list of characteristics is that it creates an expectation no one can meet. You are trying to customize your order to get what you think is best for you.
But in dating, you are looking for a person to love, not a product to consume. So your selection process can’t be rooted in fleeting, short-term, surface level characteristics like looks, charm, or wealth because these characteristics fade over time. If a marriage is built on surface characteristics, you have no hope together for a lasting future.
The person you choose to marry should have an anchor point of love and morality outside of what you offer so your marriage can stay strong even when you are at your weakest.
Now, are you going to find all this out about a person on the first date? Of course not! Anybody can bluff their way through a one-hour interview. But what you want to see is someone who is racing the same race as yourself — towards Christ!
You want someone who is actively pursuing the Lord with a level of intensity compatible with yours. You want to stand at the altar together and promise to be faithful to each other without wondering if both of you are sincere.
Being socially compatible also matters. The majority of your marriage will not be spent having sex but in hanging out together. You should find your mate interesting. You should have general life and career goals that point in similar directions.
The Bible also recognizes the value in physical attraction (read Song of Solomon). It is a factor in building a relationship, but it does not determine if you should be with someone. Obviously, this is because we all age and external beauty and youthfulness fade.
So be smart! It is much easier to figure these issues out before the wedding. Considering all these points, will help you discern whether or not God has ordained a relationship you might be contemplating.